friendships

first, fuck you.
something recently is making me regret things.
you and i are changing and our changings are always pushing us appart.
we come together 20% of the time and get close and realize that we should be and can be closer than we ever have been. but its the other 80% that we dont want to be with eachother or talk to eachother. is it worth it? what can we do? those are questions asked and attempted to be answered many times. i know the thought of leaving eachother once more is always going through our minds. i was thinking about it today and how with zech and i, i dont have to TRY for that, we can have weeks where we dont talk, months where wedont see eachother, but we will always be friends no matter what. best friends.... you were my best friend.
i dont know if we can be friends chloe. why is this such a problem? love? i cant help that. i wish i could take your love for me away. i dont want you anymore than a best friend, but i think even now i there isnt that much to be a best friend. maybe a friend but this isnt a friendship. this, what we have, is a problem. not a friendship. i wont be seeing you tomorrow after 3rd. if you like to text me, be my guest, id love to talk to you. but i wont see you. maybe take some time appart to think about where you want this friendship to go. this is life, love, and friendships. i dont want you to be the perfect friend or girl, i want you to be the girl that i see flaws in that is 100% herself and doesnt change a tiny bit for me. you are my friend chloe. my best friend if this works out.

just think about what you want. if you want to actually be my FRIEND, or nothing, but there is no choice C. we can be friends, but anything more than friends is not going to happen right now.
i love you as you always know. there is a world of difference between feeling happy and feeling whole. and with out yourfriendship, im neither. and same goes for you. i know without myfriendship, you are not happy or whole. goodnight chloe, or goodmorning.
ilove you,
William James Beaumont