crying

you made me cry today. twice. once in class ugh. and once when i got home. i havent cried so emotionally from you before. im crying right now for the third time. i dont think i have ever wanted to hug you as much as i do now. i just called your house but your mom said you wernt there.... thats a first. where did you go?

it kills me when you say "dont you worry about hurting me william." i have fought emotionally tooth and nail to not hurt you. i cheerish you to no extent. i love you to the ends of the earth. i would give anything for you in a heart beat and you know that. you shouldnt be the one holding me up. thats my job, i have to hold you up. i must be the one to put forth the effort. its like you have grown so weak from me that you can not swim anymore. although i am not at my emotional peak, i need to hold you up. thats what i do, damn it chloe. let me do what i need to do. dont take the role that i must fullfill. its making me so angry. i feel like a father who can not support his family. a mother who can not help your child. you are my best, best best best friend. my very best friend that i have ever grown to know, and i will protect you, and guard you, and keep you on the right path no matter what happens. i am not so sure of this anymore i hope you know. what you wrote hit like a pile of bricks. you can not turn into me once more. you can not hide your emotions and fake anything. that is not who you are. i find myself not knowing how to mold you, or what advice to give. everything i tell you you should do, turns out to not be good and i wish it could go back to normal. i feel like things are ripping at the seams and now its tumblin down hard. its so true, no one is going to love you more than i do. you said you wanted this if it made us happy, ugh i just dont know. i do need to talk to you asap so call me. "anything to make you smile." thats a line that a week ago, i would tell you, and then i wouldnt follow through with it, but ive never meant it so much as i do now. "you are the ever living ghost of what once was." you have happiness inside you i know it because i see you, i see straight through you. i see the dark blue, coldness on the outside, and a hint of firey red in your core. you have it in you chloe. let me help you? i do feel obligated, not because i hurt you, but because no one is going to love you more than i do. never believe someone if they say that they love you more than anyone because they are full of shittt. im going to write you a note, and the sole purpose is to make you cry. so be ready. i hope what ever you are doing, you are having fun with it.
i love you,
William James