good bye

i love you. ive loved you for the past 19 months. your the one person that i am positive ive loved. i get so mad at that thing your with not because he opens his big fucked up mouth, but becaues he has you. he trys to make me mad by telling me stuff about my friends even though i dont care about that stuff, let him know that if he wants to hurt me, that he needs to point out that he has you and that i dont. your an amazing girl i hope you know. your a beautifuly, wise, lovely woman. even now, 3 months later, i still think about only you when i hear love songs. i try to think about other girls, but like always, your the only name that comes up. i hope your happy. truely, without a doubt, you look like it. if i could have anyone respect me id pray it would be you. you will never read this i know, but it feels like a releif to get this off my chest.
my analogies you were so good with. climbing a mountain, cars, animals, flowers, electronics. no matter how obscure it was, you would always understand it, always laugh, always make me laugh. now that we are over, there is one girl that i have really opened myself up too but her and i didnt work out. i cant get close to anyone anymore because i dont want to get hurt. see this is what i do. ill like a girl, but i dont like her too much to where she is the only girl i talk to because then when she ends it, i have other girls to lean on. i wont let myself get hurt, i WILL NOT get hurt again like you hurt me. you truely murdered me, truely suffocated me. i wont apologise for anything i have done because, thats in the past and that has gotten you to where you are now. i hope he makes you smile more then i did.
if your someone that is close to me, you will know who i am writing about. you will understand waht i am saying.
i love you special someone.
sweat dreams

told ya

I KNEW IT! i told you from the begining i saw it. i told you. i told you. i told you so! believe me? never! ive been hurt, by my own medicine. let down is not a strong enough word to use in this position. but what can i say? i did the same thing to you so why shouldnt you do it to me? why shouldnt you make me feel the same loneliness, same emptyness, same worthlessness, same regret, same hate, same envy, same distrust to me? go for it. stab me, take your best shot. you cant hurt me. you cant even touch me. thats what i want you to think, so ill act like i dont care, like nothing has changed, but without even touching me, you have cut me into little pieces, you have brought me to my knees. you dont need to touch me to hurt me, you have some special powers that we both realize about eachother. i wish i could have you be mine but i cant. i cant because i would only be doing it to be greedy and selfish. i truely hope your happy. and that yuou get a guy that makes you happy and doesnt stop. i dont want to start talking about how great our friendship was because i dont want it to draw you back to me. i will save that masterpiece for another time. i feel like im over exaturating (spelled wrong) this situation, like i am over reacting. am i forseeing the future like i did only a little time ago? i dont know, this is how i am feeling though.
word,
definatley
absolutly
TO YO MOTHA!
love,
William

are you serious?

are you joking? i lost your trust because i was talking to oen of my best friends!?
come on. thast ridiclous. shes one of my best friends.

are you fucking serious

assumption

how can you determine an act that someone else commits thats 90% emotion? you cant! you can ask about it but you cant assume it. who is she to assume that something is happening between me and my best friend. she took my hat! are you joking?! please be realistic. i didnt chase her. i didnt grab her. i dont liek this. if you are curious about something.... then ask me but dont assume. we have fought about assuming before. just ask and ill tell you. i know when im flirting and i was not. i was supprised to see you because i was under the impression that you wernt going to be picking me up. that is why i was on the phone with my MOTHER to come get me because i DID NOT HAVE A RIDE HOME. and as you know, my phone was dead. lets be serious here. is it worth it? am i worth it? dont hide the truth from your lips.

shot

what is it like to accept a bullet. to accept pain and defeat? is it like accepting saddness? how do you prepare for something that will hurt you? place a saftey net at all times =]. it helps. i had a feeling things wouldnt work out, and not saying im right, but if they dont, im fully prepared to handle the defeat. it was great sweetie.
in loving memory,

H.E.R

i want happiness. i cant make her happy for the shit of it. i know its not meant to be, there is just too much against it. her father, my family, my friends, there is no way it will work. i can feel the ending comming soon. instead of the light at the end of a tunnel, its like the tunnel is just starting. maybe im the only one seeing this. she says i make her happy but i know when someone is lieing and i have a feeling shes catching on to the failure too. but how could things end. with 3 words being said already, do we really mean it? and the actions we have commited.... how could i after that? its not something i want, i dont want to be without her. i feel like she knows its not meant to be but is tugging me along for the ride. why do i feel like shes not being 100% truthful to me when i ask her things? i dont know what to do anymore. we have been together for such a short period of time and things arent going well from what i see so how could it get much better. shes such a great girl for me but i kinda feel like president obama. he was given a great and awesome nation.... but this nation was in a time of devistation and people expect him to make things better in a snap of his fingers. it takes time, it takes two to tango as i always say. im trying, im asking and caring, but i need information. i cant make someone feel better without knowing what the problem is. its like a doctor trying to perscribe an antidote without knowing the poison. i just want help so i can help her. i want things to be easy.
i want things to work.
i want her to be happy.
i want US to be happy.
i want to eaither be the one for her.
or i dont want to waste my time
im happy with her when things are good.
i really want her.
i really want us.
i really want happiness.
dont we all?

broken items

we all have those toys, objects, accessories that break or dont work when we want.
it wont work. no matter what i try to do to fix it, when ever i need it, it never works and it makes both of us really dissapointed because i cant get it to work. when something of yours breaks its embarrassing, its dissapointing, it makes you feel lonely. its not something you want to happen but when it happens everytime you have guests over... i guess it means you shouldnt have guests over anymore if you cant replace it.