love forever and always

im not supposed to feel this way. you didnt atleast. but i have to move on. we have to move on. we cant have these things going on between us anymore. hands down. no matter how much we want it, it will just turn out for the worse. we need to let go of what was and realize that what IS is alot different than what WAS. maybe im trying to make myself think this but right now thats how i feel so thats what im going to write down. do i think your perfect? yes, your amazing just the way you are. so stay that way. dont change. as they all have told you, your the most genuine person ever, and you have the biggest heart we have ever seen. so go shine, but shine without me. you dont need me. but ill always be here. im sorry. im so sorry. im done playing with feelingss. it doesnt make me happy. it only hurts me to know that im the tool thats taking appart people i love. so im done.

love is everlasting, its eternal.
it goes on and on, it goes beyond time
love is the onlything that will last when you die

i will always be here, you know that. im not saying good bye what so ever so dont think that. im just limiting what i can feel. i understand if your upset right now, or sad, or maybe relieved. well i dont understand that but who knows. i just hope you accept. no body can love you more than i do.

love forever and always,
your William James Beaumont.

not this time

i would tell the world my feelings, but i think id be wasting my time. lets just say, not a good night to top off an already awkwward and lied about weekend.

always

now, YOU. i miss you, i want to relive our past because i feel we have lost it. theres just no way to fix things. i want you but i refuse to have you. it kills me everytime she looks at me when i drive and i can see her out of the corrner of my eye and i just wish it was you right next to me. or when we were laying on the sand and i wish it was you and i, escaping from the wind by barracading (spelt shit wrong!!!) ourselfs in the blanket. i just wish you were them. allways. but i cant do it. i cant go back to that. when im with you, and when i sit down and hear a love song, all i want is you but when i come back to reality i know its just bad for me. maybe this is your time to go play on the jungle gym instead of sitting in the class room waiting to be picked up. make the most of your time. wait out on the play ground. i confess you are the best thing in my life. i think im going to go, for a long time. i think thats whats best for both of us. i want to stop hurting you. it will only hurt for a little while. then after that, you wont feel a thing. ready?
i love you bubba,
for ever and ever,
my bubba.
love,
always your bubba.

you's

you: you like me, you always have. but i have no interest in you. we have grown increasingly close over the previous year but i dont want to hook up with you anymore. i just want to be like your brother kind of thing. you have been some of my firsts and i have been so many of yours, but please, lets just be good/great friends.

you: your mad at me because i dont show you enough attention. because the plans you wanted to do with me all summer never happened. im sorry i dont treat you well enough. i think it might just be that i dont care about you anymore.

you: STOP! why are you so head over heals for me! i dont like you. you weird me out every time im with you and i hate being labeled 'yours' when you and i both know im not at all! i almost hate seeing you when ever i do.

you: i told myself i wouldnt go out with anyone soon after, and if i found a girl that i thought itcould work with, id throw her away because i dont want that. but i guess all i have to tell you is that as great as today was, it has to end. it doesnt feel right when im still in love with her. ya know today when you said "okay, this feels like we are really close friends" i have a feeling i like that alot more than the other times.

you: i love you and i cant get you out of my mind. but i cant do that again.

you: i dont know you very much so far, but i have absolutly no interest in being anymore than friends with you. sowwy

dispicable

what is happening to me... to us?! are we moving on? wanting to move on? needing to? who knows right now. but all i know is that im worried because its becomming ever so common that we arent talking every day. that we can go a day without talking to one another and it almost feels fine. thats now how i want this to be.

i do have one thing thats been pressing my mind recently. all those mean things you say about me (when your mad) about how shitty i am and so forth. do you actually feel that way? i know i NEVER say anything like that to you when im mad unless i truely feel it when im mad and when im not. it just seems, immature for you to be doing that so id like you to stop. cause it hurts me more than you know.

well, i hope you had a good date tonight (sincerely) if that is what you went on. i cant say i dont care because i do, i just have a very strong feeling that you wont go full force with him. lol just a gut feeling. and a cocky feeling too. but ehh. so sorry for not writing back. i fell asleep and then got awaken to some yelling. its just, you want to work on US, but you care about me and other people too. its just sometimes odd when i look at it. now i am in no way comparing you to shaleena or anyone else for that matter, but none of the other girls ask who i hung out with, what i did with them, and if i do happen to tell them, they dont pitch a fit. i understand that you care, because i feel the same about you. but we relinquished the rights to be able to have a say in the other persons outside life a while ago.

i love you,
goodnight

you

im still head over heals for you. sadly

theory of a dead man.

its never enough to say i love you.
no its never enough to say i tried.
its hard to believe that theres no way out for you and me.
it seems to be the story of our lives.
NO BODY WINS WHEN EVERYONES LOSING.
theres still time to turn this around. you could be building this up instead of tearing this down.
but i keep thinkin maybe its too lateeee. its like one step forward and two steps back. NO MATTER WHAT I DO, YOUR ALWAYS MAD. and iiiii cant change your mind.

it kills me to see us be like this. but i think everything i just wrote sums up how i feel. your destroying what ever "this" is so much faster than anything else, and i wish you would stop. but i just cant change your mind.

nothing at all is fair anymore. nothing...

"i wish i could hurt you as bad as you hurt me."

if thats your goal, its a waste of time and a waste of a goal. no one can hurt me to the point where i will truely be effected. theres only time for 6 people to hurt me like that. only 6 can hurt me to where it will effect me. good luck

ignored by one, being ignored from the other.

ignoring one, being ignored from the other. it kills me everytime i think about this one who hasnt given a damn about me to call me. people might complain about 9 months without you, but ive gone 6 years. almost 7. it will be 7 this october. it kills me everytime you come by, dont bother comming to my room, or asking to talk, leaving anote, calling me even. why does it seem like the one person that everyone needs in their life leaves me, twice. and its not like they leave and keep in contact, they just go... poof one day they are gone. thats honestly how both of them have been. ='(.no one knows how much stress this puts on me, being the man of the house. not having a man to lean on. i feel like i need help all the time but cant ask anyone. and people think its okay to add stress to my life. like i need anymore. if you add stress, leave my life please. please just go. if you think you can help, stay. i just dont know what to do sometimes.i just dont want responsibility. i dont want commitment. i dont want to worry whatpeople think, or what one person thinks. i want to do what i want.

i love you

i found out what it is. im done being treated this way. i dont want this to make you mad so if you can, please refrain from thinking angry thoughts. just be emotional about this and try to see this from MY side. but please dont get mad, it wont help anything. ive had people COME TO ME to tell me how poorly im being treated and its embarrassing. =/ i love you but i dont deserve to be treated this way. do you deserve what i did to you? not at all and i apologise greatly for that. i know that i dont want to be treated that way. i know that i want someone that makes me happy like you, but doesnt treat me like that. to be honest, i dont want a girlfriend right now anyway. not so i can go hook up with girls, but it just lifts alot of weight off my shoulders. im not interested in anyone else, i can promise you that. i still love you, and i still wish we could be together.

what are we now? im sure thats what your thinking.... do we ever know? no, so dont ask me this question. this question has defined the last 11 months. lets just be what ever the wind brings us.

i love you.