blOOOOd, blOOOOD!!! ITS NA FUNNIIII!!!!!

battle between love and hate. it seems love is so easy to obtain now-a-days, but it is so much harder to keep once your in it.

i feel lied to. you have told me that you are just acting stronger than you and i both know you really are. that might be true. you say you are done faking the way you are feeling. that also might be true. yet you tell me you hate me. you say this right after acting completly calm and nonschelaunt (not sure on spelling) on the phone.
i would say pick a side. but, that has been decided for you.
as i said, good luck, and no hard feelings.

i do already miss you though.

always,
William Beaumont

stop it

its embarrassing. seeing you act like a teenager again. your trying to make up for lost time. time that you wernt "sexy" like you are now. its embarrassing knowing that those nights that you say "im going out, dont wait up for me." are just nights that your going to go have sex with some guy that you know. why are you such a whore? i would call you a slut but that seems more directed towards teenagers, but judging by how you have been acting lately, maybe i should use that word.

those text messages. i hate those. your not 15 16 even 20 years old anymore YOUR 47! act your age. your doing things that teenagers would think is wrong to do. and YOUR doing them. its embarrassing when my friends point out the "hot" mom in the stands and its you. i just hate that your almost not even my MOM anymore, your like this older cougar woman thats taking care of me that is some sex animal. i hate it and i hope tonight you got to see a glimpse of how much i hate how you have been with those whole thing.

ridin solo

love made me blind.

love made me blind.

love made me blind.

ooohhh ohhhh ohhhhoh.



i cant stop listening to this song. i havent done "me" in a long time. it seems that my life revolves around what you want. im kind of getting sick of it. very much so actually. i dont like it. i dont like how if i go to a place where girls will be i have to worry about you getting mad. doesnt that seem a bit wrong? i dont think thats a fair relationship. i just dont like it anymore. i dont know if your thinking "well i gotta change" but if not, i dont want to be in this unfair/wrong relationship. its just bringing me down. and espically since i cant see you very much, it sucks but neither of us can really help that. i love you, i do and you should never doubt that, but this relationship just isnt fair. and thats what i want. just a fair, fun, relationship. isnt that what you want? i hope it is. i know you love me, and i know if we break up its going to hurt. but here is something that might cheer you up. i think it will help me when that day comes.

"im so sorry that i didnt work out im movin onnn. im so sorry but its over now, the pain is gone. im puttin on my shades to cover up my eyes, im goin out tonight..."

i love you, if it doesnt work out, i still will always love you.

goodbye.

death
16 years old. almost 17.
most would assume that id be scared, worried, and feel lonely. i think they are wrong
i would rather have myself die than a 30 year old, 40 year old, 20 year old. ive had a short life yes, but a good one. if anything, i think that after death there is more to it then just blackness. i think that some how, we are able to remember our life and the momories we had. being 30, you have twice as long to have bad memories, heartbreaks, and failure. what a bad thing to think of for eternity. being 16, what can my failures be? getting an F or a D? come on, thats no where near not paying bills, crime, or somthing like that.

im scared of death, not because of death itsself, but of the unknown after it. id give myself for almost anyone i know. im always willing to die. i feel like im the first to lay down and give up. why? im not sure. but im always willing to go.
to anyone that will miss me, i love you. i hope we had good times while we could.
love,
William James Beaumont

end

this is horrible. being told to stay away. knowing that it will only be weeks till ill truely smile again. i hate this but i understand it this time and i will obey what rules are given. this is something WE have to go through and we will. im so sorry babe. if only sam wasnt there....

out of sight, out of mind

are you trying to push me away? make this time appart even worse? im trying to hold on. but all your doing is letting go. do you not want this anymore? it honestly seems like it. you havent told me how you felt in a long time and im not sure why when before, every day you would tell me.

tell me how you feel please

"im going to talk to who i want to and when i want to"

reguardless of the girl, or the story, or the problem. it doesnt make sense. nothing i say ever makes sense. its always "out there" and ridiclous. why? some pretty ridiclous things happen... and they always seem to happen to me. im sorry you dont think my story checks out. was i accepting of nicole sending me the texts? yah, was i writing back? no. and at the end there, i just wanted to see my phone... but you can be mad, thats fine because later tonight things will be quite alright.

reguardless of the troubles,
i love you.