voices

closing the car door, walking up the walk way to the front door. i have you heard you say my name so many times before, almost to the point where it is just an actual part of my day. your voice has a significant tone, a texture to it that is unique to your own vocal cords.

i respond my usual, everyday response as if nothing has changed. the world, involving you, has flipped upside down. you have changed, and accordingly, i have changed. i wish you could remain the same person, uphold the same stature you once did, impress us all as you once did.

it really is horrible it is. to look at you and only see lies. you have lied to us all and now you are leaving. my father, my dad is leaving.

you have left now, driving away as i walk home to tell you bad news. could care less if i actually have something to tell you or not. just drive away, take what you can fit in your car off to your safe haven. away from us.... away from me.

you made sure of it to make a point that it was not my fault. that it was everyone elses fault but mine. i think your full of shit. i have always felt that i represent this family in some way. i feel as if i am what people perceive as this family. if someone in this family messes up, i make it my job to ensure that it doesnt happen again and that it is taken care of. so when you tell me that it was everyone elses fault and not mine.... your full of shit cause its all my fault. somehow i sopose.

i am done writing about you. i have other things to keep my mind on.

no, id prefer not to go to the movies with you and have a "man night" and eat "man food", because you are no more of a man than i am.