departure

there you go, everything else possible to read, you have read.
i believe everything you are saying. that you love me, god how much you love me. that i was you best friend. that this was the best friendship you ever had. well same for me. i couldnt have asked for a more loyal friend. as i said, i believe you. every word of it. that you dont want to talk anymore, that you dont even want to hear from me. i am crying now, in my bed, with 50 people having a great time down stairs. i feel like i have lost you. in due time will i find out if this was an actual plan that will take action and persist through the trials and prevail. that we will not be friends anymore, that i just lost, the love of my life. i believe you once more. but i do feel that reguardless of what you say, we will come back to eachother for the same reason as every other time. we will be friends again, in due time of course.
it hurts right now. you say that you hope i find a cure for my depression, well it was amazing how today, while with you, i dont think about it. the force of the demon can not penetrate my heart. it has always been that way for you and i. i always felt that way with you.
i am accepting of this as i should be. i will not go out of my way, physically to have you. i will strive for you in my thoughts, think about you more than you i. youd be suprised at what youmean to me. i do not regret anything that has to do with morgan. i was trying to find what fit me. as i said "i wish you knew what went on behind the scenes". after today, i have almost 100% come to the conclusion that morgan and i wont work, it just seems like a feat that will not work out.

chloe, as you said, we wont be talking again. i understand how that could hurt you again. i just want you to know, that no matter how much you ignore the drive, and the natrual desire to see me and be with me, i will be doing the same. ill fight it, if you wish, for you. id give anything, for my absolute, best friend.

i love you with absolutly, 100% of my heart,
kill me now, please,


love,
William James Beaumont