my night

so robotic. the way we got off the phone.
goodnight.
goodnight.
ilove you.
i love you too.
k ill see you tomorrow.
yup.
k bye.
bye.
click.

its something i never wished would have happened with you and i.
our days are perfect, hardly a blemish on them, and then night time comes. not only comes darkness and cold, but also, feelings left over from work, your mom gets home, your tired and stressed because of school. i upset you because your fuse has shortened over that previous couple hours. why is it so hard for us to work. i almost hope that there will be all these problems and we make all these littlechanges to make it fit and up until this point, nothing seems to fit no matter what we do. but when we do make it fit, it will be a perfect fit. an absolute, absolute fit. nothing can be better than that fit. i think of it like a key, only one specific key will fit the slot. we have tomold ourselfs to fill that void.
i dont know what to do.

"i guesss what my question shoudl have been, is WHATS WRONG WITH ME? i want to change. for her more than anything else. i want to make her happy, i want to be the guy she loves, i want to be with her. i always have to a point but now more than ever. i just dont know what to change."
"when a really good guy comes around, the last thing a girl should do is let him go."


i feel like im changing for you, in anyway you wish, but i think its unfair because as much change as i give you, you wont acknowledge it. and its not fair that im putting forth most of the effort in this. i feel like im not getting treated and thought of, as well as im treating you. "does she deserve it?" one person asked me. if you continue to treat me this way, then no, you dont. but i love you, and because of that, you deserve my very best.

" flings are lame when you date someone y ou shoul dnever date unless you truly see long term with someone and if you really do i would try hrad to fix thigns and if it doesnt work you gave it your all"
my response " i truely did. i really am putting everything i have into this"

i just wish you saw, how much i try. how much i want this. how in love with you i am. and i wish you felt the same, because for a long time, i havent.

im going to try something new. 2 new things actually. dont ask me what they are, you will see one of them for sure but the other you wont see. everything will happen for a reason, the best will happen. if you and i werent meant to be, contrary to my beliefs, then we wont work out. no matter how much effort is put into it, some plants just dont bloom. its a shame beause so much effort was thrust forward to helping it bloom, but it still does not.
as much as i love you, and as much as i miss you, it will not be i that regrets not trying, it will be you. when, and if, this is all done and over, i will know i put 100% effort into this. i cant say that you will feel the same.
on a better note, i love you and i will continue trying, trying for us, until there is no more us to try for.

i love you,
sweet dreams,
WJB

here is something, i wrote to a friend of mine.
" but i LOVE her, (friend). i love her. i love her i love her i love her i love her. its something i cant deny if i wanted too. but i dont think she can say the same. but reguardless, like i said, she deserves it because i love her."

tonight, talking to those people, really hasshown me something. that i do love you. that i am putting 100% of my hear and effort into this to try to make it work. if it doesnt work, it doesnt work. i cant force anything to work. it again, just shows me that i love you.

i love you.