honestly, i think both of us just want to call it quits to take the easy way out. its odd, i broadly think back over these 8 months and in my mind, its as if we have been together this whole time. we havent. we have been best friends up until about 2 months ago. well a month and a half. we just honestly tried being in a relationship 47 days ago. we are brand new to this. to this side of eachother. it might not seem like it because we know everything else about the person, so much so that it annoys us, but we honestly are a new couple. we have been faced with something, so life ending, so.... destructive. we can hardly see eachother, we can hardly talk. its hardly like we are together, besides for the 70 minutes, minus a little, we are given each day to be with eachother. its not enough for us, clearly. i try everyday to think of ways so that we can see eachother just a little bit more. i expressed to you today that all we need, is a long day ahead of us, that we can hangout with eachother, do lots of things, take walks and talk and work things out. replenish what has been broken so violently the last 3 days. but we cant do that right now, atleast i dont believe so.
so what do we do? do we stay together, and battle through all the frustration and anger and know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but risk getting lost in the darkness and losing eachother forever?
do we seperate for the time being? lose eacher in the darkness and find our own lights to run to in hope that when we get there, we can meet back up? that also runs the risk, that our tunnels that we follow might lead in completly different directiions.=[
or, do we break it off now. do we realize, as some people say ,that this is only hurting you (and myself) and that we should stop being selfish/rude and end things now so that we can get over eachother? we, of course would lose eachother, and if we did that, i dont think eaither of us would come back to a relationship again.
its this one question, that haunts everyone "what do we do?"
i know im not the best for you, but promise that youll stay.
jenn-"so your telling me, that if chloe broke up with you right now, you would be totally fine?" me-"yup i mean it would upset me, but id be fine."
my response i just sent to jenn- "actually, i take it back. if she were to break up with me, i would be a wreck, probally more than usual because i know there is a chance for us to work like we always fantasized."
"i thought you wanted to break up with her?"
me "i just dont want to continue fighting. i love her and to see her go, or even honestly contemplate not having her be the one i hold... it hurts. it really hurts me."
what are we to do when all we have is a bunch of confusion? lets make the best of what we have and see what we can pull together.
i love you. much more than i did yesterday, and the day before that.
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