regret

back to where we were. walking the same paths as before. breathing the same air. looking at eachother almost the same. your on the right, im on the left. we know the surroundings like the back of our hand. we know what the cracks in the road feel like. sure this time they might be in dfferent positions, but we know how they feel. the only thing different is what i do when im not with you on that road. im honest, and loyal this time. why? because i know what it feels like to be broken by the girl you love. is change still wanted? of course, no one is going to have a flawless relationship. i wish the same rules applied to both of us, and not one over the other. i wish the same for consequences. its like, if you do something, its okay and i dont say anything, but when i do exactly what you did, its a disaster and i get yelled at. its just not fair sometimes. but thats what i have to live with i guess. and ya know what, im not saying this as a mean thing, but you are bossy and you are controlling. maybe i secretly like it. who knows. sometimes i wished you would tune it down a bit. i feel like.... like... i cant find the words to explain it. like your still mad at me. who knows. and yes, im going to forget i talked to a mom for a few minutes. or i m going to forget that she texted me. WHO CAREs. its not a big deal. if anything went wrong, i would have told you because thats who i am now. i dont care about those little things. and if you care, that little whore didnt text me today. i didnt give you my phone with my email up on purpose, it just happened. i didnt even realize it. it wouldnt have mattered if you went through my texts because there isnt anything to hide. i know you dont trust me, but dont expect me to act different because of it. sometimes i get sick of how mad you get, but i guess its those things that make me love you. i was thinking today if i thought we were going to last. by god i hope so. i SOOO hope so. i dont want to have gone through all that for nothing. i cant tell you how much i appreciate talking to your father. not that it gave me ways to put pitty on myself, but it just made me see things ALOT clearer. just that, life will go on and everything happens for a reason.

there is one feeling i dont want anyone to feel about me... and that is regret. i have always hated when people used that word and my name in the same sentence. i hate it. i never want you to feel that way. please dont.
i love you, goodnight